Many are the Plans…

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, But it is the counsel of יהוה that stands.”  Proverbs 19:21

This Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) had a profound impact on my life. My husband was away for work in another state for the month, and our children have all grown up and moved out, except for our adult son, whom we will refer to as “Joined” in this account.

A Little Background…

Joined was born with Autism, ADHD, and at times he suffered from OCD and anxiety. He remains living with us. He has never been placed on any pharmaceuticals, nor did I allow public or private institutions to have access to shaping his mind. This has never been the easy path, but we felt strongly this was the will of Yah.

He is the only child (among his many siblings) that Yah specifically instructed me during my pregnancy through this Scripture:

“And you shall know that I have sent this command to you, as being My covenant with Lĕwi” said יהוה of hosts.

My covenant with him was life and peace, and I gave them to him, to fear. And he feared Me, and stood in awe of My Name.

The Torah of truth was in his mouth, and unrighteousness was not found on his lips. He walked with Me in peace and straightness, and turned many away from crookedness.” Malachi 2:4-6

Joined was nonverbal initially, even though I believed Yah had revealed things about him through Scripture to me while he was still in my womb. While he was incommunicado, I began dismissing Yah’s Word to me as my imagination, but Joined eventually became fully verbal after Yah provided me with wisdom on how to heal the language center of his brain and teach him to speak. It seemed hopeless for a while, as his pediatrician didn’t give me hope. That’s why I am cautious about placing limits on his capabilities, knowing that Yah is involved. As Yeshua said,

“But with Elohim all is possible.”

My Yom Kippur Plans…

This year, I diligently planned my Yom Kippur, engaging in the 40 Days of Repentance and focusing on the 10 Days of Awe. I already knew what Yah and I would work on to improve myself as a follower of Yeshua. Excitement filled me, as fasting isn’t a significant challenge for me – I’ve been doing it for health and spiritual reasons for years.

However, in an instant, my Yom Kippur plans changed.

Except I didn’t realize just how much they would change. Joined delved into the depths of Yom Kippur and fasting, immersing himself in trusted video resources and scrutinizing the Scriptures firsthand.

Joined Decides He Will Fast…

He approached me one day, expressing his desire to embark on a fast this year. I had never compelled him to fast before, given his prior struggles with meltdowns, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression when his meals weren’t timely (seemingly linked to his diet and blood sugar, although he isn’t diabetic).

So, I proposed alternative options that would be less burdensome for both of us. I suggested a liquid fast, where he could still acquire some calories, carbs, and nutrients.

After pondering upon it for a day, Joined returned, enlightening me that such an approach deviated from Scripture. Ouch!

But hey, I came up with some pretty ingenious alternatives, like allowing him to eat plain food (excluding anything prepared in the air fryer) if the fast became overwhelming for him. Currently, Joined savors tossing anything and everything into the air fryer to achieve that perfect crispiness. Let’s admit it, I devised some fantastic fasting options!

Joined respectfully expressed his reservations about my plan, as he couldn’t find scriptural confirmation for it. For those familiar with autism, you know just how literally they perceive things. And for those who aren’t, well, now you do.

A couple of days later, he returned to reengage in a discussion about Yom Kippur. Simply fasting from all food wouldn’t suffice, as he quotes Scripture about sharing our bread with the hungry.

Oh no! Here we go…

Joined graciously opened his Bible to Isaiah 58 and read the entire chapter, enlightening me about the true meaning of fasting, in case I had forgotten. He emphasized verse 7, which states,

“Is it not to share your bread with the hungry.”

Inspired by this, he proposed a plan for Yom Kippur – not only to fast but also to “share our bread with the hungry.”

Don’t get me wrong, throughout the year we do help others and feed the hungry when Yah inclines our hearts. And we do it in the Name of Messiah Yeshua.

But these High Holy Days, Yah’s Moedim, we tend to spend at home, especially if it is one of His Sabbaths.

Although hesitant, I respected Joined’s conviction and agreed to consider his idea. Deep down, I harbored concerns about the safety of assisting the homeless in our town without my husband’s protection. However, Deuteronomy 31:8 comforts me, as Yah had placed it on Joined’s heart to obey His instruction:

“And it is יהוה who is going before you, He Himself is with you. He does not fail you nor forsake you. Do not fear nor be discouraged.”

In addition to my apprehensions, I humbly admit that I had my own plans for the day – to stay home and spend meaningful time with Yah through prayer, repentance, fasting, studying Scripture, and making plans together.

What’s Better Than Chicken & Dumplings?

Nonetheless, in my effort to support Joined in his walk with Yeshua, I suggested preparing a delightful meal of Chicken and Dumplings to serve to the homeless.

When Joined mentioned serving homemade bread with the meal, I thoughtfully considered their needs and suggested a soft potato bread instead of sourdough, considering that some homeless individuals may struggle with crusts due to dental issues.

Eventually, Joined countered with a different plan to afflict/humble himself during Yom Kippur. It needed to be something HE LOVES to eat. Perhaps by now, you are picking up that Joined doesn’t really care for Chicken and Dumplings? What is wrong with this guy???

Apparently, It’s Cinnamon Rolls!

He decided to make cinnamon rolls, as that would afflict his senses. This labor of love would smell and look delicious, while he would have to exercise self-control to continue fasting.  This act of sharing his BREAD with the hungry would make Yah happy.

OHHHHHHH! Ah-ha! Now I get it. It seems that Joined is taking the verse literally and believes that he must share a bread product with those in need. While I hope he will eventually understand that it doesn’t have to be only bread, I trust that Yah will guide him in His own time and way.

On Yom Kippur, our fast was surprisingly easy, and Joined even abstained from all electronics and refrained from drawing or playing with his toys in order to fully comply with the command.

The Sad Truth…

As we prepared to go to the Walmart parking lot, someone close to me who works there warned against it, mentioning the violent behavior of homeless individuals due to the misuse of Xylazine, a veterinary medicine, mixed with Fentanyl. This reminder only reinforced my belief that this might not be the best idea.

Joined noticed my lack of excitement, but he couldn’t contain his eagerness. He asked me why I wasn’t enthusiastic and expressed his desire to share his money with these people so they could buy more food.

We engaged in a deep conversation about addiction. I explained that becoming an addict and/or homeless is never a person’s plan. However, when faced with the choice between spending money on a substance or food, they often choose the substance that controls them. They are trapped by their addiction, and only they have the power to break free. Many of them rely on Yeshua for support in maintaining their sobriety.

We cannot simply give them money as it would contribute to their destruction. By enabling them, we become accomplices in their addiction. We cannot use the excuse that it is solely between them and Yah because we are called to be responsible stewards of every penny Yah provides us with, as stated throughout Scripture. Everything we possess belongs to Yah, and He does not use His resources to buy substances that harm people. He expects us to honor this principle.

Pray Up and Press Forward

After praying for our mission, we set out. Each person we encountered was incredibly kind and grateful towards Joined. They all expressed their gratitude and appreciation for the baked goods he had prepared. Not a single person failed to say, “God bless you” to him. We faced no issues during our interactions. I’m telling you, that is a miracle in itself.

In fact, when I noticed a homeless man harassing a woman by her truck, I approached him and asked if he was homeless and hungry. As a result, the woman quickly jumped into her truck and locked the doors. The homeless man was overjoyed when Joined handed him cinnamon rolls and water. He shared that he and his wife were both starving and in need of a meal. The man in the photo with Joined is the same homeless individual we encountered earlier. We later located where he and his wife were hanging out and provided them with more food. Once they finished eating, they left the corner where they were begging for money, indicating they were hungry.

Joined’s Lesson Learned…

After approximately 26-27 hours, we concluded our fast, accompanied by Joined’s heartfelt prayer of gratitude to Yah. His prayer, filled with sincerity, expressed appreciation for the opportunity to fast, prepare cinnamon rolls, and feed the hungry. As he savored the first few bites, he couldn’t help but notice the enhanced flavor, believing it to be a result of experiencing hunger, empathizing with others, and following Yah’s true purpose for fasting. Overwhelmed with joy, he radiated an indescribable happiness.

And…My Lesson Learned!

I, too, experienced immense joy after supporting Joined in his pursuit of a genuine Yom Kippur fast. His authentic lovingkindness truly moved me. Yah utilized Joined to transform not only my Yom Kippur but also myself. It wasn’t solely about being inscribed in the Lamb’s Book of Life or seeking Yah’s blessings for my future endeavors. Instead, it encompassed sacrificing my own sustenance and time for the betterment of others. The fasting and selfless service in the name of Yeshua were meant to bless others, not solely focus on myself.

Yah implemented His willing servant, Joined, to teach me what a true fast looks like to Yah. I’ve read Isaiah 58 hundreds of times (including in the week before Joined read it to me), but never connected it to Yom Kippur and sharing our bread with the hungry while we fast. How have I missed this all these years?

My heart brimmed with happiness witnessing Joined actively serving others, driven by his intense, obedient love for Yah. His devotion to Yah’s commands stems from Yeshua’s sacrificial love for us. Even a day later, Joined’s heart still rejoices. I witnessed him embrace the calling to serve and assist others in any capacity that Yah deems fit. It is awe-inspiring to witness Yah’s plans, which were conceived since Joined’s time in my womb, coming to fruition despite my initial skepticism during his nonverbal phase and my shortcomings as his mother.

HalleluYAH!